{"id":1069,"date":"2020-06-10T11:49:02","date_gmt":"2020-06-10T11:49:02","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/suntbine.md\/?p=1069"},"modified":"2020-06-10T12:02:17","modified_gmt":"2020-06-10T12:02:17","slug":"qa-cu-doina-dolghier-despre-ganduri-obsesive-regrete-si-dragoste-de-sine","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/suntbine.md\/?p=1069","title":{"rendered":"Q&A cu Doina Dolghier: Despre g\u00e2nduri negative, regrete \u0219i dragoste de sine"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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Doina Dolghier<\/strong> este psihoterapeut\u0103 de cuplu \u0219i familie. Am rugat-o s\u0103 r\u0103spund\u0103 la \u00eentreb\u0103rile anonime din partea membrilor comunit\u0103\u021bii \u201eSunt Bine\u201d. O g\u0103si\u021bi pe Instagram<\/a> \u0219i Facebook<\/a>. <\/pre>\n\n\n\n
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Cum s\u0103-mi ajut p\u0103rin\u021bii care trec prin greut\u0103\u021bi, depresii, dar nu vorbesc despre asta \u0219i nu cer ajutor?<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
Te invit s\u0103 \u00ee\u021bi pui singur\/\u0103 urm\u0103toarele \u00eentreb\u0103ri: pot eu influen\u021ba asupra rezolv\u0103rii problemelor lor? Sunt eu \u00een m\u0103sur\u0103 s\u0103 fac ca greut\u0103\u021bile lor s\u0103 dispar\u0103? Pot eu s\u0103 \u00eemi asum responsabilit\u0103\u021bile lor? Se \u00eent\u00e2mpl\u0103 des ca copii, \u00een special cei care au v\u0103zut c\u0103 adul\u021bii nu s-au descurcat cu propriile probleme (exemplu: alcoolismul, violen\u021ba \u00een familie) devin copii-adul\u021bi care-\u0219i \u201esuflec\u0103 m\u00e2necile\u201d \u0219i se implic\u0103 total \u00een rezolvarea problemelor mult prea grele pentru v\u00e2rsta \u0219i experien\u021ba lor. Ace\u0219ti copii ajung s\u0103 nu-\u0219i mai tr\u0103iasc\u0103 propria copil\u0103rie \u0219i devin adul\u021bi care-\u0219i vor asuma imediat problemele altora (so\u021bilor\/so\u021biilor, iubi\u021bilor, rudelor etc) \u0219i vor atrage oameni care au nevoie de ei. Deci, iubirea va fi tranzac\u021bionat\u0103 prin ajutor \u0219i adesea nu vor a\u0219tepta nimic \u00een schimb, av\u00e2nd \u00een ad\u00e2ncul sufletului credin\u021ba c\u0103 a\u0219a e f\u0103cut\u0103 via\u021ba \u2013 s\u0103 dai dar s\u0103 nu a\u0219tep\u021bi ceva \u00een schimb. Este important s\u0103 fim aten\u021bi la acest aspect. Asta dac\u0103 vorbim de greut\u0103\u021bile vie\u021bii.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u00cens\u0103 dac\u0103 vorbim despre o depresie a unui p\u0103rinte sau ambilor, putem s\u0103-i ajut\u0103m prin atitudinea noastr\u0103. O atitudine de suport emo\u021bional, de acceptare, s\u0103-i l\u0103s\u0103m spa\u021biul de care are nevoie pentru a se reechilibra, mesajul indirect ar fi \u201eeu sunt aici pentru tine, te iubesc \u0219i te accept a\u0219a cum e\u0219ti\u201d. Uneori o persoan\u0103 care sufer\u0103 de depresie va dori doar \u201es\u0103 fie l\u0103sat\u0103 \u00een pace\u201d, iar atitudinea noastr\u0103 ar fi bine s\u0103 spun\u0103 \u201eOk, \u00ee\u021bi las timp \u0219i spa\u021biu. Nu pot s\u0103-\u021bi schimb starea dar o accept \u0219i te accept\u201d. Asta putem ar\u0103ta nu doar prin cuvinte ci prin gesturi, iar cel\u0103lalt va sim\u021bi suportul nostru necondi\u021bionat. Astfel, \u0219ansele de con\u0219tientizare a nevoii de a se adresa la un specialist \u00een s\u0103n\u0103tate mintal\u0103 cresc.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Este important totu\u0219i s\u0103 \u00een\u021belegem c\u0103 insisten\u021ba poate fi d\u0103un\u0103toare. Persoana se poate sim\u021bi intimidat\u0103, vinovat\u0103, ru\u0219inat\u0103, confuz\u0103 iar dac\u0103 insist\u0103m s\u0103 caute ajutor, putem amplifica aceste st\u0103ri. Sigur, motiva\u021bia trebuie s\u0103 fie foarte puternic\u0103 pentru a \u00eencepe un proces terapeutic de recuperare (tratament medicamentos \u0219i\/sau psihoterapie), iar f\u0103r\u0103 motiva\u021bia suferindului \u00eentr-o doz\u0103 consistent\u0103, nu vom putea face progresele necesare pe acest drum, care este nefamiliar \u0219i incomod pentru pacient.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Cum scap de g\u00e2nduri? <\/h4>\n\n\n\n
Dac\u0103 ai sc\u0103pa de g\u00e2nduri, \u00een general, nu a-i mai fi viu. La fel e \u0219i pentru cei care spun \u201enu vreau s\u0103 mai simt asta\u201d, f\u0103c\u00e2nd referire la o anumit\u0103 emo\u021bie: durere, furie etc. Dac\u0103 vorbim despre g\u00e2ndurile negative, te invit \u00eent\u00e2i s\u0103 cau\u021bi s\u0103 le \u00een\u021belegi. De c\u00e2nd sunt acolo? C\u00e2nd apar? Ce evenimente au marcat \u201einstalarea\u201d lor? Fiecare om \u00ee\u0219i formeaz\u0103 pe parcursul vie\u021bii convingeri ra\u021bionale \u0219i ira\u021bionale, din nevoia uman\u0103 de a da o form\u0103 la ceea ce este bine \u0219i r\u0103u, moral, imoral, normal, anormal. De exemplu, \u201etrebuie s\u0103 am succes, dac\u0103 nu am, sunt un e\u0219ec!\u201d este o convingere ira\u021bional\u0103, deoarece va avea ca rezultat lipsa de ac\u021biune sau un comportament distructiv, pe l\u00e2ng\u0103 emo\u021biile nes\u0103n\u0103toase pe care le va activa: panica, depresia, furia sau comp\u0103timirea de sine. Printre sentimentele s\u0103n\u0103toase se num\u0103r\u0103: triste\u021bea, regretul, frustrarea \u0219i iritarea. G\u00e2ndurile pornesc acest mecanism vicios, activeaz\u0103 emo\u021biile nes\u0103n\u0103toase, acestea \u00eemping spre ac\u021biune: \u201enu mai particip la maraton, deoarece oricum voi pierde pentru c\u0103 oricum nu am succes \u00eentotdeauna \u0219i astfel sunt un ratat\u201d. \u00cen condi\u021bii de self-help, \u00ee\u021bi propun urm\u0103torul exerci\u021biu: s\u0103 r\u0103spunzi la urm\u0103toarele \u00eentreb\u0103ri: Cum apar g\u00e2ndurile? C\u00e2nd apar? Le sim\u021bi prezen\u021ba \u00een fiecare or\u0103 \u0219i minut din via\u021ba ta? Cum te-au ajutat s\u0103 evi\u021bi ac\u021biunea sau s\u0103 fugi de problem\u0103? Cum te protejeaz\u0103 de o suferin\u021b\u0103 \u0219i mai mare? Cum sunt celelalte g\u00e2nduri? C\u00e2t de des te treze\u0219ti g\u00e2ndind \u00een extreme? Exemplu: niciodat\u0103 nu trebuie s\u0103 simt furie sau trebuie mereu s\u0103 am succes. Scrie totul pe o foaie al\u0103turi de o list\u0103 de convingeri ad\u00e2nc \u00eenr\u0103d\u0103cinate. Cite\u0219te cu voce tare \u0219i observ\u0103 care convingeri te-au adus \u00een acest punct.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Cum s\u0103 m\u0103 iubesc mai mult pe mine?<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
M\u0103 bucur c\u0103 aceast\u0103 \u00eentrebare a fost formulat\u0103 anume a\u0219a. Iubirea de sine \u00eenseamn\u0103 acceptare \u0219i iertare. Acceptarea \u0219i iertarea nu e acela\u0219i lucru. \u00cent\u00e2i apare acceptarea dup\u0103 care iertarea. Acceptarea \u00eenseamn\u0103 integrare: trecutul meu devine parte din mine. Experien\u021ba X o accept ca apar\u021bin\u00e2ndu-mi, nu o mai resping. Accept c\u0103 uneori pot fi furios\/oas\u0103, alteori dr\u0103gu\u021b\/\u0103 cu oamenii din jur. Nu \u00eemi resping sau inhib furia, l\u0103s\u00e2nd-o s\u0103 se transforme \u00eentr-o senza\u021bie de \u201enod \u00een g\u00e2t\u201d. Accept c\u0103 sunt vulnerabil\/\u0103 \u0219i am curajul s\u0103-mi expun vulnerabilitatea, ca oamenii s\u0103 m\u0103 vad\u0103 a\u0219a cum sunt cu adev\u0103rat, nu doar o masc\u0103 a unui om gata de lupt\u0103 24 din 24. Iertarea \u00eenseamn\u0103 c\u0103 m\u0103 iert pe mine pentru lini\u0219tea mea. Nu pentru ceilal\u021bi, ci pentru mine. Iertarea \u00eenseamn\u0103 c\u0103 nu m\u0103 mai simt vinovat\/\u0103 pentru cine sunt ast\u0103zi. Iubirea de sine \u00eenseamn\u0103 s\u0103 accept ceea ce nu-mi place la mine.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Din nou, ca un exerci\u021biu de self-help ar fi potrivit: 1) S\u0103 evaluezi pe scar\u0103 de la 1 la 10 c\u00e2t de mult te iube\u0219ti \u00een momentul de fa\u021b\u0103. Dup\u0103 care, s\u0103 te \u00eentrebi: 2) ce ac\u021biuni fac eu care \u00eemi diminueaz\u0103 stima de sine? Exemplu: nu merg la dans de\u0219i \u00eemi doresc. 3) Ce ac\u021biuni pot face azi ca s\u0103 m\u0103 iubesc mai mult? Tip: c\u00e2nd ai de f\u0103cut o ac\u021biune, g\u00e2nde\u0219te-te la o persoan\u0103 care consideri c\u0103 se iube\u0219te pe sine, ar face ea\/el asta? \u0218i nu uita c\u0103 iubirea de sine este un proces, nu o destina\u021bie. Nu ne na\u0219tem iubindu-ne infinit, lucr\u0103m pe parcursul vie\u021bii la asta.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
De ce nu pot s\u0103 opresc visele despre anumite persoane din trecutul meu?<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
Visele reprezint\u0103 o form\u0103 \u201eneregulat\u0103\u201d de comunicare \u00eentre con\u0219tient \u0219i incon\u0219tient. Dac\u0103 vrei s\u0103 afli mai multe despre cum func\u021bioneaz\u0103 visele, te invit s\u0103-l cite\u0219ti pe Freud \u0219i domeniul psihanalizei. Nu po\u021bi s\u0103 opre\u0219ti fluxul viselor pentru c\u0103 exist\u0103 un conflict latent nerezolvat, acolo, \u00een incon\u0219tient, cu acea persoan\u0103. Conflictele pe care nu le rezolv\u0103m (nu le confrunt\u0103m direct, \u00een via\u021ba real\u0103) nu dispar, ele revin \u201eclocotind\u201d \u0219i ie\u0219ind la iveal\u0103 din c\u00e2nd \u00een c\u00e2nd \u00een vise. Incon\u0219tientul nostru folose\u0219te simboluri subiective \u00een vis pentru a \u201eaduce aminte\u201d con\u0219tientului despre conflictul nerezolvat care creeaz\u0103 tensiune \u00een intrapsihic. Pentru a v\u0103 clarifica \u00een ce fel de conflict s-a creat, v\u0103 poate ajuta procesul psihoterapiei, \u00een care ve\u021bi reveni asupra rela\u021biei cu acele persoane \u0219i ve\u021bi c\u0103uta sursa conflictului. Atunci c\u00e2nd se va produce con\u0219tientizarea, visele se vor diminua sau chiar vor disp\u0103rea.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Cum s\u0103 \u00ee\u021bi dai seama c\u0103 un om te respinge din cauza depresiei \u0219i ce faci ca s\u0103 \u00eel aju\u021bi? Ce practici pot avea eu ca s\u0103 nu ajung s\u0103 \u00eendep\u0103rtez oamenii care ar putea s\u0103 m\u0103 ajute, \u00een caz c\u0103 sunt \u00een depresie?<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
Una dintre problemele cu care se vor confrunta adesea persoanele cu depresie va fi dezintegrarea sau dorin\u021ba de izolare. \u00ce\u021bi dai seama c\u0103 te respinge atunci c\u00e2nd observi un comportament diferit fa\u021b\u0103 de cum era p\u00e2n\u0103 acum: nu mai g\u0103se\u0219te pl\u0103cere \u00een activit\u0103\u021bile zilnice, probabil nimic nu \u00eei mai face pl\u0103cere, deci, nu-l mai motiveaz\u0103 s\u0103 ac\u021bioneze, s\u0103 ias\u0103, s\u0103 comunice, s\u0103 se distreze. O persoan\u0103 care a pierdut \u201egustul\u201d vie\u021bii are nevoie \u00een primul r\u00e2nd de timp \u0219i spa\u021biu ca s\u0103 integreze ceea ce i se \u00eent\u00e2mpl\u0103. Probabil, nu va dori s\u0103 apeleze la ajutor imediat. Va \u00eencerca s\u0103 se descurce singur. Din nou, \u00eel putem ajuta prin suport necondi\u021bionat, prin mesaje cum ar fi \u201esunt aici\u201d, \u201epo\u021bi s\u0103 ai \u00eencredere \u00een mine\u201d. Oric\u00e2t de nestructurat ar fi, persoana comunic\u0103 cu mediul, ar fi bine s\u0103 fim aten\u021bi ce spune, ce \u0219i-ar dori, cum o spune. Sigur, ar fi bine s\u0103 recomand\u0103m ajutorul specializat (psihoterapia, \u00een primul r\u00e2nd) \u0219i s\u0103 semnal\u0103m un caz \u00een care individul este \u00een pericol cum ar fi g\u00e2nduri de suicid sau automutilare. Un blocaj cu un impact puternic asupra individului diagnosticat este \u00eens\u0103\u0219i eticheta de depresiv. Eticheta asta este greu de dus \u0219i adesea genereaz\u0103 un anumit comportament: nimic nu m\u0103 poate ajuta, depresia nu se vindec\u0103, r\u0103m\u00e2n cu asta pe via\u021b\u0103, mai bine nu mai fac nimic, mai bine nu mai exist. \u00cen psihoterapie \u00eencerc\u0103m s\u0103 dezlipim aceast\u0103 etichet\u0103 de diagnostic: persoana nu este egal diagnosticul s\u0103u. Asta nu \u00eenseamn\u0103 c\u0103 neg\u0103m simptomele sau boala, ci \u00eencerc\u0103m s\u0103 ne focus\u0103m pe ce putem schimba: comportamente, atitudini, convingeri ra\u021bionale \u0219i ira\u021bionale, tipare rela\u021bionale, cum era via\u021ba \u00eenainte de diagnostic, care sunt punctele tari ale individului. Ele nu au disp\u0103rut nic\u0103ieri.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u00cen cazul \u00een care crezi c\u0103 e\u0219ti \u00een depresie, g\u00e2nde\u0219te-te de ce ai vrea s\u0103 \u00eendep\u0103rtezi oamenii din jurul t\u0103u. Oare crezi c\u0103 ei vor s\u0103 te ajute, iar tu crezi c\u0103 te descurci \u0219i singur? Ce mesaj vrei s\u0103 le transmi\u021bi prin aceast\u0103 respingere? Ce ar face dac\u0103 s-ar apropia de tine? Care este pericolul? Dac\u0103 \u00eei \u021bii la dep\u0103rtare cum te sim\u021bi? Analizeaz\u0103 r\u0103spunsurile la aceste \u00eentreb\u0103ri \u0219i vezi care sunt convingerile tale.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Cum s\u0103 tr\u0103iesc f\u0103r\u0103 s\u0103 m\u0103 g\u00e2ndesc la trecut \u0219i la gre\u0219eli?<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
Oare putem anula trecutul? Oare putem anula gre\u0219elile? Tot ceea ce putem face este s\u0103 tragem concluziile din experien\u021bele din trecut \u0219i s\u0103 \u00eencerc\u0103m s\u0103… facem altele \u00een viitor \ud83d\ude0a Oare a gre\u0219i nu este uman? \u0218tii vreo persoan\u0103 care nu se g\u00e2nde\u0219te la trecut? Niciodat\u0103? To\u021bi ne g\u00e2ndim, mai mult sau mai pu\u021bin. \u00ce\u021bi spun ceva, regretul este s\u0103n\u0103tos. Vinov\u0103\u021bia nu. Regretul ne ajut\u0103 s\u0103 con\u0219tientiz\u0103m ce nu a mers bine \u00een acea experien\u021b\u0103 \u0219i s\u0103 evit\u0103m pe viitor s\u0103 ac\u021bion\u0103m \u00een acela\u0219i mod. Regretul arat\u0103 c\u0103 ne asum\u0103m ceea ce am f\u0103cut sau nu. Deci, este recomandat \u00een primul r\u00e2nd s\u0103 \u00eenlocuie\u0219ti cuv\u00e2ntul gre\u0219eal\u0103 cu experien\u021b\u0103. Cu ce ai r\u0103mas din acea experien\u021b\u0103? Mai sunt consecin\u021be pe care le supor\u021bi \u00een prezent, ca urmare a acelor experien\u021be? Dac\u0103 da, mergi la un psiholog sau psihoterapeut pentru a \u00een\u021belege \u00een profunzime, integra \u0219i accepta experien\u021bele din trecut. Altfel, vei tr\u0103i ancorat \u00een trecut, iar asta \u00ee\u021bi va afecta buna desf\u0103\u0219urare a activit\u0103\u021bilor zilnice, via\u021ba social\u0103 etc. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
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\u201eQ&A cu un specialist\u201d <\/em><\/strong>este o rubric\u0103 periodic\u0103 pe site-ul Sunt Bine, \u00een care vom \u00eencerca s\u0103 te ajut\u0103m cu un r\u0103spuns la o \u00eentrebare legat\u0103 de s\u0103n\u0103tatea mintal\u0103. Ia leg\u0103tura cu noi pe re\u021belele de socializare <\/em>Facebook<\/em><\/a>, <\/em>Instagram <\/em><\/a>sau pe email: suntbinepodcast@gmail.com, iar un medic psihiatru \u00ee\u021bi va oferi un sfat. Garant\u0103m anonimatul.<\/em><\/em> <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Doina Dolghier este psihoterapeut\u0103 de cuplu \u0219i familie. Am rugat-o s\u0103 r\u0103spund\u0103 la \u00eentreb\u0103rile anonime din partea membrilor comunit\u0103\u021bii \u201eSunt Bine\u201d. <\/p>\nRead more <\/span><\/a>","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":1065,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[58,44,60,64,63,62],"class_list":["post-1069","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-blog","tag-ajutor","tag-depresie","tag-dragoste-de-sine","tag-ganduri-negative","tag-regrete","tag-vise"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nQ&A cu Doina Dolghier: Despre g\u00e2nduri negative, regrete \u0219i dragoste de sine | Sunt Bine<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/suntbine.md\/?p=1069\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"ro_RO\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Q&A cu Doina Dolghier: Despre g\u00e2nduri negative, regrete \u0219i dragoste de sine | Sunt Bine\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Doina Dolghier este psihoterapeut\u0103 de cuplu \u0219i familie. 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